Every now and then I get that “sinking feeling” that I just missed doing something that I either intended to do or more importantly, really needed to do. The feeling is so unpleasant that at times I would rather not even be aware that I missed something. However, given that I see emotion as information [...]

Sometimes I like small examples best, especially if they are personal, and especially if I am the one who learns something. I had one of those moments this morning when I took a microsecond for self observation, one of the tools everyone needs to have on hand.
Two things came together. One, at times I am [...]

At the center of understanding the interaction between two people is a four part interpersonal model described by both Binder (2004) and Levenson (1995). I have used this model extensively with clients who have anger issues. In this post I will explore using the model for gathering information in any situation between two people.
The basic [...]

One assumption counselors make is that what we see is just a surface. We think about peeling layers of an onion, each layer adds new meaning. However, even the first layer can be misinterpreted unless we ask carefully. Assuming we can tell what is going on merely by observation is an easy trap to fall [...]

“Them that know… know that they know. Them that don’t know…they don’t know they don’t know.”

Dem Dat Know by Maria Muldaur

I brought my new kitten home from The Anti-Cruelty Society on Thursday, thinking she would settle in for a couple of days and then we would play kitten games. Well… she has been sick so [...]

I have included the following ideas about emotion in several posts. But remember, repetition, like that used by our coaches and teachers, is a good thing. This is the short version of emotion that more easily fits in a tool bag:
· Emotion is a mental state in [...]

I assume that emotion provides information (Clore, 1994) that is essential to understanding what is going on in any interpersonal situation.
When I wrote my OODA article, I was thinking in general of describing the need to evaluate what is going on in a situation. In quick review, OODA stands for: observe; orient; decide; act. Observe [...]

 
I am taking this example of wisdom directly from McKee and Barber (1999). I want at least one post that exactly fits the definition “seeing through illusion.” So I quote:

We shall now offer a more detailed description of the experience we intend to denote by the phrase “seeing through illusion.” It can be described in [...]

We were finishing a series of sessions and my client had done very well. He accomplished all of his goals concerning an anger issue. Then we talked about how counseling could help a lot of people and that the way counseling went wasn’t what my client had expected.
The compliment… “It wasn’t weird or anything.”
I’ll take [...]

Over the last three years I have developed an approach for counseling people with anger issues. My approach is intended to engage the mostly men I counsel for anger. A lot of I what I do with anger clients is help them understand interpersonal relationships and build better tools for working within a relationship. The [...]