A group of research psychologist and neuroscientists were asked twelve questions that were then formed into a book called The Nature of Emotion: Fundamental Questions, edited by Paul Ekman and Richard Davidson (1994). Of course they covered a lot more than 10 things and each author had a different theory. Here are 10 ideas that caught my attention and shape how I do counseling. Continue Reading »
It seems that structure has pushed its way into my thought processes recently. I had feeds (blogger speak for input) from several sources including: my personal desire to get more focused, a post on having a strategy, a news item on sleep, my boss, and my own training. Sometimes it takes a lot to get me on track.
I thought I would write a brief post about how counselors can become frustrated… actually, how I can become frustrated. I think what bothers me most when I do counseling are those times when I see a possible solution but then, for any number of reasons, the client decides to stop before the finish.
Hackney and Cormeir (2001) define counseling as “A progressive movement toward an ultimate conclusion, that being the resolution of the life-event that precipitated the need for counseling.” Continue Reading »
One way of looking at counseling is to think of it as a three phase process for solving a problem. The three phases described by Hill in her book Helping Skills, are exploration, insight, and action. Interestingly, any of us who routinely solve problems, meaning all of us, are well aware of these three phases of problem solving. At least at a general level, there should be no big mystery as to what counseling is about. Continue Reading »
I brought a new kitten home a few weeks ago. Now she is more an adolescent. Her name, by the way, is Mimi. She reminded me that people (and sometimes kittens) are an “independent center of initiative.” Continue Reading »
The Genesis Therapy Center (where I do all of my counseling work) has a Community Care Program that offers reduced fee schedules to clients with limited ability to pay. We are implementing the program in our downtown Chicago office where I work. People are asked to contribute what they are able. However, in many cases free counseling will be made available.
I will do the Community Care Program counseling in the Chicago Loop office. Sessions last 45 min and are:
Clients will be screened to see if they qualify for the program. They will be asked to pay from $0 to $50 based on ability. Interested parties should contact me.
Emotion as Information has been a theme in several of my recent posts. I read a nice article called Feelings on Steve Pavlina’s personal development blog that describes a very similar idea.
Steve says
“Our feelings are a feedback mechanism.”
and
“Simply put… we feel good when we’re moving towards what we want, and we feel bad when we’re moving away from what we want. And that movement is more about thought and intention than it is about action.”
From there Steve describes how he used the feedback from his emotions [information] to find what he was really looking for. Steve’s article is great for seeing how emotional feedback applies to personal developmental.When I work with people who are experiencing an emotional disturbance, we are doing much the same thing. We use the emotion to help understand what is working and what is not working.
Later in the article he gets to the people I work with, those whose haven’t been able to figure out how they got trapped in their negative emotions.
“Often what traps us in negative emotion is that deep down we know what we want, but we don’t think we can get it. Sometimes we also don’t feel we deserve it. So we tell ourselves maybe we shouldn’t want it. “
Steve is describing specific traps that lead to negative emotions. There are many other traps, as many as there are people. The general version of becoming stuck that I use is that we have become trapped in a pattern that was learned in the past but that does not work in the present. We keep doing the same thing but it doesn’t get the result we want. Steve suggests journaling or talking to a close friend to sort through the problem. I support and have recommended both of these, depending on the situation and person.
At this point we part ways a bit. Steve suggests asking for support in his forum and suggests using a “handle” if anonymity is a concern. If the support needed is more toward the cheer leading or coaching end of the spectrum I would have little concern. However, if someone is so stuck that friends or family cannot help, it might be time to see a professional, e.g. counselor, social worker, marriage and family therapist, psychologist. Meaning, people who are trained to help people with more difficult problems.
In sum, an very insightful article that aligns well enough with “Emotion as Information.” Definitely worth reading.
Every now and then I get that “sinking feeling” that I just missed doing something that I either intended to do or more importantly, really needed to do. The feeling is so unpleasant that at times I would rather not even be aware that I missed something. However, given that I see emotion as information it seems a good idea to listen to my own emotions… then do something about the situation.
Last Thursday, I checked my email and saw several from work that were as yet unread. I had “that sinking feeling” that I had missed something. I did. Missed another staff meeting… #%@&!!! Okay, observe that I feel upset. Observe that the meeting is over. Orient myself to the fact that there is nothing I can do about the meeting now. Decide that I really, really don’t want to miss the next one. Act: Dig out the monthly memo, and write all meetings in my schedule book. Apologize to the boss too while I am at it. Check to see if I missed anything else while I was off in La La Land. (BTW, this is an OODA Loop if you saw the post). Let the feeling go and move on.
It is easy to let my email go for awhile, which I did, get relaxed and check in later. Of course the “sinking feeling” can always be waiting. When I am on top of things I do a lot of organizing just so I can avoid that feeling. The information provided by the feeling is good, it keeps me on my toes. However, I would just rather receive information that says I am ahead of the game…hold on to that feeling for awhile… then move on.
Sometimes I like small examples best, especially if they are personal, and especially if I am the one who learns something. I had one of those moments this morning when I took a microsecond for self observation, one of the tools everyone needs to have on hand.
Two things came together. One, at times I am slightly uncomfortable expressing my views in public. Even though nobody is sitting in this room, I know someone will read this post. Sometimes, not often, when I write a post and think about it latter I can get that warm, slightly flushed, I wonder if that worked, I feel a little embarrassed sensation.
The second part is my morning routine. I keep my apartment fairly warm in the summer (and early fall) just to avoid high electricity cost. I am close enough to the temperature edge that a couple cups of coffee and a bowl of hot cereal can make small beads of sweat form on my forehead. Very similar to the other tiny beads of sweat… the ones from being embarrassed.
So I sat down to write a post and had this moment. It is classic Psychology 101. I had to take a microsecond to decide if I had written something I was uncomfortable about or if the coffee and warm air was kicking in. It was pretty funny. It was the coffee.
Of course this example is about as benign as they come. But being able to read our own state and observe our self in action is an important skill. Like all skills it is best learned in small, and safe, situations.
At the center of understanding the interaction between two people is a four part interpersonal model described by both Binder (2004) and Levenson (1995). I have used this model extensively with clients who have anger issues. In this post I will explore using the model for gathering information in any situation between two people.
The basic model has four parts.
· Acts of self (Intent)
· Expectations of others (Their Intent)
· Perceived acts of others (Interpretation)
· Self-image / self-treatment
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