Jeffery Binder recommends five questions for clinicians to “conduct a reconnaissance” in an area of a client’s life. I think of these questions in every counseling session I conduct. Writing them here is one more way for me to keep them clearly in mind… and I believe anyone who wants can use them in their own “recon” efforts. After substituting “my” for “the client’s”, here they are:

1. What are “my” primary intentions and wishes toward significant others?
2. What are “my” expectations concerning others’ reactions to my wishes or intentions?
3. How do “I” perceive the actions and intentions of others?
4. How do “my” actions, based on my expectations and interpretations of others, tend to evoke in others behavior that reinforces my negative expectations?
5. How do “my” expectations and perceptions of others influence how I view and treat myself?

Trying these questions on “yourself” may seem like jumping into the middle of something, yet I believe any of us can benefit from building the skill of self-reflection. Give it a try!