Empathy and the 2 Essential I’s

Empathy is a very powerful relationship tool. I find that it relates to the 2 Essential I’s: Intent and Interpretation.

We intend a specific message when we speak. A match of speaker intent and listener interpretation spells successful communication.

How do we achieve success? We pay attention. When we send a message and receive verbal responses or body language mismatched to our intent, we circle back with our words to clarify. When we receive a negative message, we circle back to check intent before reacting.

For example, my intent is to gain understanding through a question about what you’re doing. (EX: Why are you watering the lawn?). You react instantly feeling criticized and challenged. You get sarcastic and make a face. I respond believing that you are annoyed by my simple question.

Because WE failed to recognize the mismatch between my intent and your interpretation, communication goes off kilter. Tone matters. Subsequent exchanges between us add to our disconnect. We are out of cognitive sync and emotional tune. No empathy.

When I pay attention, I “get” that my intent was lost. I do not blame you. I manage my emotions and can work to clarify my meaning.

And when, as the listener, you feel offended by my words, you bear responsibility. Double-check your interpretation with me —-before reacting.

In two-way communication, we alternate roles as speaker and listener with equal responsibility for the outcome. Paying attention to the accurate lineup of intent and interpretation creates understanding.

A focus on the 2 Essential I’s in intimate relationships works to support emotional intelligence through empathy in conversation.

Patt Hollinger Pickett,LPC,LMFT,Ph.D.
HireCoach St. Louis MO