I have been doing more couples counseling lately and the article Intimacy: What is it anyway? written by Julienne B. Derichscaught LCPC for GoodTherapy.org caught my eye. Julienne says:
Intimacy is not a concrete concept; it is a quality in a relationship that takes on many forms. The common thread being feelings of closeness among partners in a relationship. Intimacy and healthy relationships go hand in hand, yet everyone has different ideas about how intimacy is created.
Julienne lists 50 ideas to create intimacy in a relationship. I frequently assign a version of this one:
48. Schedule a weekly relationship meeting. All couples need to have a routine for helping each other stay focused or accountable for the health of their relationship…
The good news is that some of the things we tend to do “naturally” help to build intimacy:
19. Ask your partner about their day…everyday…listen and ask questions.
Some things we may tend to forget after the relationship has matured:
21. Sit close.
Some ideas you may, or may not, have tried yet:
37. Share a romantic fantasy with your partner and ask them to tell you theirs.
Even finding one idea you like and will follow through on makes this article worth the read!
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In 20+ years as a marriage counselor,intimacy is the real couple puzzler. One of the relationship coaching tips I offer is “Make the Covert-Overt”. Believe it or not, more couples get into trouble with each other for what they do not say, over what they do say. Conversations held only in one’s head can distort relationships. One example:Thinking “She really looks sexy tonight!” and not taking the time to say it passes up an opportunity to create a positive vibe. Meanwhile, particularly if she knows she looks hot, and doesn’t hear it from her man, she may feel let down and not appreciated. The Tip to greater intimacy is to make covert thinking into overt words.
Making the covert-overt is an important part of therapy. I had not thought of using it to build intimacy.
Thank you for the tip Patt!