OODA Loop: Observe- Orient- Decide- Act

The other day I decided to use the OODA Loop to describe what we were trying to accomplish as I sat in my Chicago office, counseling a client for anger. As the article says, OODA was developed by Col. John Boyd for air combat and warfare. I am not suggesting that relationships should be about warfare, quite the contrary. The parallel to counseling for anger is that a lot is going on in a very few seconds and decisions are being made. My clients are making moves that cause their relationships to crash and burn. Instead of solving problems they are attacking their partners, shooting down their own wing mate. The OODA model gives a hint toward where to look to improve the relationship, and for many of us guys is a more fun way to think.

Wrong target

Too often when emotions run high people act without deciding consciously. They react instead of thinking about what they are doing. With my anger clients the reaction often takes them in an unfortunate and unproductive direction. Instead of the problem being solved the phone gets smashed, or the wife is pushed, or someone is yelled at. If an angry person was a fighter pilot they would “pull the trigger” anytime they see motion… gunning down their own wing mate, or blasting away at an innocent sheep on a mountainside. In warfare the very idea seems silly. In interpersonal relationships it happens all too often and is a disaster. More often than not the person who receives the brunt of the attack is not the direct cause of the problem. They were merely a safe target.

Down in flames

Using the OODA model it was easy to imagine our hero going down in flames by making the wrong moves. He says the wrong thing at the wrong time. The friendly gesture becomes a two day fight. He makes the wrong interpretation and her innocent response leads to a fight. All of these take place within interpersonal interactions, and they take place all too often. Relationships suffer. People suffer.

For guys who like tools: Think OODA as an analog for interpersonal interaction:

Observe what it going on. Observation of self, other, and overall situation is difficult but necessary in a rapidly unfolding conversation, especially when conflict is involved. Take everything into account.

Orient yourself to the current situation, not yesterday, not this morning, but now. Rather than he said or she said (the past), you need to see what is happening in this moment. Some basic questions to ask are: What is going on here? Is it working? Is this helping the relationship?

Decide what you want to do rather than react. Easier said than done, but this is a critical step. What do I want to do now, throw the phone or resolve the conflict? What do I gain by yelling? Would I gain more by asking? Would I gain more by expressing empathy?

Act in a way that is helpful to you and to your partner. Do something that resolves the problem not something that damages the relationship.

Now, this is all easier said than done and takes a lot of practice. In some situations, my anger clients will crash and burn in the first 60 seconds. At first, it may take a full session to untangle one, 60 second encounter. Don’t be surprised, think how much training it takes to understand a complex situation (e.g. Top Gun) and you start to see how counseling may help. In counseling exploration and insight are always followed by action. After exploring and understanding what goes wrong, the repeated crash and burn pattern must be replaced with a new action plan. Then the mission… I mean relationship… can succeed.

The OODA loop provides an overview of how a complex interaction takes place. I will add detail about what to look for in a later post.