I have been working on understanding why I do what I do as a therapist and counselor. As much as anything, the phrase I coined “Solutions tailored to fit you.” states what I am about. Continue Reading »

In some sense the process for changing you is simple. You get where you are through the experiences you have in your life. You get to a new place by having new and different experiences in your life.

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Have you ever wondered if counseling is for you? The following are four situations when counseling may help. Continue Reading »

Sometimes people are confused about counseling and how it relates to other mental health professions. The following article points out some of the distinctions. Continue Reading »

It should come as no surprise that “telling our story” is very powerful. In counseling and psychotherapy we sometimes use the term “narrative.” With this thought, I decided to take a stroll through some of my books, including clinical, self-help, and literature, to see how others have thought of or used narrative. Continue Reading »

In an earlier article I describe the definition of Wisdom as “seeing through illusion.” It is interesting that in Anxiety Disorders and Phobias: A cognitive perspective (1985) Aaron Beck talks about “major maladaptive assumptions” that people make and use to understand the world around them. When over-used these maladaptive-assumptions become a client’s “major concern” and are the subject of therapy. The maladaptive assumptions Beck is talking about sound very much like “illusions” to me. They are a “faulty” or “illusory” picture of reality.

Beck proposes methods for “restructuring” these major concerns. It makes sense to me that the result of restructuring these maladaptive-assumptions (illusions) would be to “see through” them. That is, the result of therapy that restructures faulty assumptions is “wisdom. “ Now… that is cool.

What are my illusions? Beck outlines three areas and some of the maladaptive-assumptions people make that result in “major concerns.” These “illusions” are worth thinking about:

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According to Webster, change means “to make different in some particular.” Frequently the change a client is looking for is a different outcome or result in their life. They say, I want to be happy; I want to stop being sad; I want to stop getting so angry; I want to fit in better. Before they sought therapy it may have seemed that things happen and that they arrive at a certain state due to “outside influences.” Usually by the time they get to therapy they have a pretty good idea that “it may be me.”

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I have not found the idea of an “anchor-self” in the literature. Maybe it is there under a different name. Yet, the idea is simple and may help with understanding the dramatic reaction that we have to certain changes in our lives.

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I use the phrase “Solutions tailored to fit you” as a way to “brand” my work. These words also have a very significant clinical implication.

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I recommend David B. Wexler’s book Is he depressed or what? because it answered one of the clinical questions I found in my practice. A number of clients have contacted me for “anger issues.” Instead of the classic incident driven bursts of anger, they were irritable or annoyed almost all of the time. Wexler does a nice job of describing a male-type-depression and the issues that arise around it.

They feel restless, agitated, and unsatisfiable. They lose their vitality. Vague, persistent physical symptoms show up like headaches, mysterious pain, and insomnia. These men often attempt to “self-medicate” with potentially addictive behaviors like alcohol or drug use, gambling, sexual affairs, workaholism, and reckless physical risk taking.

The key is that with male-type depression men report “feeling irritable” or feeling tremendously fatigued” rather than the feeling of sadness we associate with classic depression. The book is written for the partners of depressed men, but has useful information for anyone interested in understanding male-type depression.